"I was so sickened last week by a radio programme I didn’t know existed, hosted by two so-called ‘funny fuckers’, that I projectile vomited over a JVC Surround system in my local Currys.digital. Are you going to come and mop-up the regurgitated vegetable soup from their sub-woofer Russell Brand? Or will you let one of those poor employees who pay your wages handle your disgusting orange coloured sick?
So further outraged was I by hearing details of these so-called ‘messages’ from my so-called friend Judie when she so-called called me, that I ran-over a neighbour’s kitten in my Range Rover. Is Jonathan Ross going to scrape little Charlie’s remains off the cold concrete and explain to his elderly owners how it happened? I won’t be holding my breath!!!
How can Manwell’s granddaughter: a much loved member of ‘The Satanic Sluts’, reputation be allowed to be debased in such a lewd, crude, rude, shoed, mood, dude, poohed manner? Will the BBC take any action? Will they launch targeted patriot missile attacks against the tax-funded houses of Brand and Woss? The state Britain is in today - I find it extremely unlikely. More probable is that namby-pamby-hefty-shefty-crefty-lefty Auntie will be sucking the erect penises of these murderous louts and buying them mountain bikes.
I would recommend that these two be beaten to the point of total if not complete death with a stale bun - see how they like being killed - but this would only give these suicide bombers the publicity they so salaciously crave.
I note with interest their so-called apologies lacked any mention of Jesus, Britain going to the dogs or Post Office closures."