Saturday, March 31, 2007

SIX!!!

‘Nice isn’t it’ said the man in Curry’s Digital as I stared at a television in Curry’s Digital. Those are the televisions you look at when you are in Curry’s Digital. Ones that are in there. It’s a limitation of Curry’s Digital. I might position a television outside the Curry’s Digital window so, for a nice change, I could stare at a television not in Curry’s Digital whilst being in Curry’s Digital. I probably wont though. I’d most likely have to use a power-source from Curry’s Digital to plug the television into. That would cheapen the exercise.

‘It is’ I replied with my voice.

‘Course it’s high-definition ready’ he continued with the obvious intention to banish any disgusting thoughts I might be harbouring that it wasn’t. There before me was a television that was high definition ready. It was prepared for high definition; bored of not being so; waiting for someone to let it be what it always wanted to be.

‘Digital to’ he said in a voice that missed off the second ‘o’ in 'too'. It was clear that this man was most comfortable speaking in a language of purely electrical equipment features.

‘I’m just looking.’ I said to ensure he was aware of which one of the five senses I was currently focussing on.

“Just give me a shout if you need any help” he replied. I doubted whether I needed assistance in watching something. Granted, my use of the phrase “just looking” was overly dismissive of the wonderful gift of sight.

And finally it came on. We were winning six-nill, away from home. Six!!!!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Will the public drinking ban work?

England is preparing itself for when the ban on public drinking comes into affect on July 1st. Scenes of cold patrons huddled outside doorways, quickly sipping dirty pints, is set to become common place as it has done in Scotland.

Many English publicans point to the problems experienced in Scotland, where the public drinking ban has been in affect for some time now. Many have reported having to shed staff and facial hair in the wake of the ban on selling alcoholic beverages.

The suggestion is that many people visit the pub simply to consume alcohol, is a charge that Health Minister Patricia Hewitt refutes. "It's certainly an old-fashioned position to suggest that people go to pubs and bars simply to drink. In fact I believe most people welcome our stance on public drinking. From a personal view point, I think it will be nice for me to return from a night out at the local with my clothes not covered in my own vomit."

Hewitt also believes it will have a positive effect on the health of staff working in bars and clubs. "I've always thought it unfair that bar-staff should have to accept the effects of second-hand drinking. We're not saying that people can't drink alcohol in the privacy of their own house or whilst out driving in their own car."

When pressed as to what exactly second-hand drinking was, Hewitt reportedly ran away screaming that everyone's out to get her.

In the state of Los Angeles in the US, a public drinking ban has been in affect for three years. Most think it has been positive effect. State Governor The Terminator commented, "I was sent back by John O'Connor in 2029 to terminate Public Drinking in Los Angeles. See you at the party Victor. I'll be back! I'll be back!"
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