Monday, July 31, 2006


Bristol is not meeting any of its recycling targets, so has put into action a new rubbish collecting plan.

What’s the brown bin for?
That’s for left over food.

And the green one?
That’s for garden waste.

What’s that one for?
That’s for cardboard and only carboard, nothing but cardboard. Do no place anything in it it……except cardboard. If you’re not sure it’s cardboard take it to our new ‘Is it Cardboard? Office’ in the main council building. They can tell you if the piece of cardboard you’re holding is suitable to be recycled as cardboard. They may decide it’s not cardboardy enough, in which case you need to take a long hard look at what you are doing to the environment of Bristol, in fact the United Kingdom. The whole world could very well be completely fucked because of your lack of care in discerning cardboard from very thick, cardboardy paper.

What about the black bucket?
For recyclable goods that aren’t cardboard. You put cardboard in there and we will kill you. Not a euphemism , you will face death.

And the Black Bins?
That’s for rubbish. And will be collected every seven years. I don’t think I need to explain what will happen if we find you’ve been putting cardboard in there? You will of course have your penis ripped off by an evil west-country goat. This penis must be disposed off in the yellow penis bin. (Please do not put cardboard in this bin.)