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My dinner doesn't understand me


Many people have eaten pork. Some famous, some not so famous. It’s the non-famous pork eaters that are perhaps the most interesting. They don’t have the distractions of fame and fortune. Thus, eating pork becomes something akin to becoming married to a person or catching a train on your own for the first time.

Potatoes are always there of course. Lurking in the background with a flask of coffee and a copy of Metro. They’re content to play second fiddle to Mr Pork today, with the full knowledge that long after everyone has become tired with that attention seeking pig-death, they’ll be still being invited to the plate night after night to look after the children and produce “art” on an iPad.

To finish off there’s the green beans. Let’s all pretend we’re happy they’re there. Let’s in fact pay them extra attention: talk to them about their job. Discuss how motorways should be wider and longer and altogether more satisfying.

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