Oblong Scone

I have limited knowledge of coffee. It's a liquid form of coffee cake and is very popular with people. I am vaguely aware of the different types available because of my interest and commitment to popular culture. There's Latte for example, as well as double-latte, cappuccino, double cappuccino, cappuccino and egg, Expresso, Expresso and egg, Americano coffee double-bubble with egg. Basically, there are a shit-load of different coffees. A couple of years ago I came to the conclusion that I was missing out and walked into my local coffee shop to try and get involved. I didn’t really know what I was doing, so I simply asked the lawyer behind the counter for, “a coffee”.   “So you want a cappuccino?” she replied. I shook my head and at that point knew this wasn't going to be straight-forward.  I never did get a coffee. I felt, that both me and my potential server tried our best, but we just couldn’t make it happen. There were moments when it was close, when she even went to t...

 Isn’t it getting dark early? It wasn’t like this last year.  That’s why the badgers are not getting out of the way of traffic. Too dark. Too dark this year for badgers to sidestep Nissans.  That’s why petrol’s so expensive. Last year it was cheap. So cheap I bathed in it. Cooked my ham in it. Had extra lying around…just in case.  It’s why there’s no crisps. There were crisps in the sunshine.  Lazy crisps, salt’n’Lineker crisps, crisps you could use as Lego. Not anymore. I don’t know anyone who can get their hands on crisps anymore.  It’s too dark to play football. Those that struggle on can’t find the goals. 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, then maybe a 1-0. But nobody can be totally sure it really went in. Too dark for that.