I’ve always hated using scissors. I’ve also always liked using the excuse that I’m left-handed; although not in an American ‘I’m a persecuted member of society’ kind of way. Just that, whilst I don’t think it’s ruined my life, having to use right-handed scissors always gave me some kind of excuse at school for my badly cut out paper-cat-shapes.
To this day I think there was an over-concentration on cutting-out at my primary school and of course neat hand-writing. The children that could write neatly and then accurately cut out farm animals and stick them around their writing always got the A++s (Yes there were ++’s --’s and all sorts.) My highest mark was a story about a man called Jack who went to Mars in a spaceship and died because he didn’t pack enough lunch. This captivating tale earned me a B--, which in a funny kind of way looked more depressing than my usual C++. A happy ’C’ must be better than a depressed ’B’. I would of got a straight B if I hadn’t cut off Jack’s head before sticking him to the side of my story. But when I look back now, I think I was making a point about Man’s inability to accept their heads.
I often wonder how cutting-out skills have shaped the paths of various people in this country( This is a lie, I mean, who would really wonder this unless they were in jail or watching Ukraine V Switzerland, but how else would you introduce a paragraph, which, and here‘s a preview, is largely, if not complete nonsense.) Would Tony Blair have made it to Prime-Minister if he hadn’t made such a cracking job of cutting out a tank to stick on his ’When I grow up I’m going to war with Iraq’ essay? On the other hand, Jade Goody would probably just be some forgotten brain surgeon, if she hadn’t, as a seven year old, made such a hash with her scissors, of extracting a picture of Starlin to stick on her ’Is Starlin’s legacy relevant to the on-going struggle for equality for females in the work place?’ essay. Because of this bad moment of cutting-out Jade gave up on education and thus makes lots of money from thinking East Anglia is a foreign country. (Which apparently it isn’t. Sounds like it should be to me. Then again, I’m shit at cutting out.)