"I've got some very exciting projects in the pipeline... hopefully, please!"
The newspapers, and those people that read them nodding their head( often named Geoff ), are always saying that there are too many celebrities around today (and that they get headaches when they read). Apparently Former Big Brother contestants will go along to the opening of an envelope. Not even interesting envelopes, just boring normal brown envelopes that contain bank statements or letters written in blood.
In the old days, it was easy to tell who a Celebrity was, they appeared on Wogan. Wogan grinned at them entranced as they wheeled off tedious details of their latest film ( normally filmed on location but set in LA) or a book about their life (which they‘d written themselves with a tiny bit of help from someone who bothered to learn reading and writing skills and wasn‘t addicted to pain killers), with a few shite anecdotes tagged on about when they tripped over a cat at Bruce Willis’s house.
But today? Well, I have come to the conclusion that even I am a celebrity. Not for any particular tangible reason, but looking at those in 'I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of Here', I think by those standards I must qualify. I did once appear in Dixons.
So I am going to the premiere of tonight’s episode of ITV’s' The Bill' . Yes it'll be held in my house, and no I don't have a red carpet. But I’ve found an orange rug and gone to the trouble of decorating the flat with 'Police Incident' tape I nicked from some kind of ‘Serious Incident’ along Gloucester Road.
I’ve got to go and face the press now. They’ll probably ask me if I’d go to the opening of an envelope. I probably will while I‘ve got the chance. I know how quickly fame can fade away.