Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Lee, Katie and the Yellow Sofa
I need a new sofa. Mine’s not good. It’s tried its best, but frankly, it’s about as comfortable as sitting in the same room as your Gran while there’s Rhino shagging on a wildlife documentary. So along I go to DFS to have a look around. Out of the corner of my eye I spot a huge splurge of yellow sofa. Like a moth to a yellow sofa, I was attracted over to its cushions. But as I arrived, a couple, who by their conversation I learned were called Katie and Lee, were already embroiled in mid raw sofa purchase war.
Lee felt that the sofa was too expensive. It was over a grand, and I think he probably felt that something costing that much probably shouldn’t be yellow. "I’d rather spend the money on a fridge" he said, as if a decision would have to be made between cooling food or sitting down.
"Ummm, but it’s more than just something to sit on, it’s soo…" Katie pondered, stretching out her left index finger and poking the sofa to check it was dead.
"I’ll tell you what, let’s come back to it if we don’t find anything else" a victorious looking Lee decided brushing his hand along the top of the sofa in what he hoped was a final goodbye.
A panicked Katie was forced into her last throw of the sofa purchasing dice. In action which would frankly mean the sofa was never the same again, she threw her ample ass smack down on the centre of the sofa. "Oh my God" she smiled in a crazed orgasmic manner as if the entire nature of sitting down had just been revolutionised, "it’s like sitting on a cloud."
Lee looked suspicious, was this the first time Katie had sat on a sofa after previously relying on clouds, or was this bright yellow lump of cushions really the fridge beating superstar that would change their lives? In an exasperated Graham Norton style mince, Lee walked around and sat down next to Katie. "What?" he said looking disappointed.
"Isn’t it great?"
"It’s a sofa!" Lee slapped his hands down on his legs. Katie didn’t reply and with that Lee had won the argument!
Then he called over the shop assistant, and bought a yellow sofa.

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